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How to Fail in Your Freshman Year

Everyone is telling you how to do it. We tell you how not to. Your freshman year that is (and maybe the rest of your University life). Here are 5 tips from BrainGain magazine that you should follow. Or not. You decide.
BY Skendha Singh |   10-09-2015

University is one step away from home, and one step short of the big bad world. We bet that everyone in your life: parents, siblings, neighbourhood pets, down to your favourite bloggers and vloggers, have been preparing you for this day. For the start of your University life.

Maybe your ears have already been stuffed with tips on how to make the best of this new beginning. In other words, how to have fun while getting real about life.

At BrainGain magazine, we’re doing something different. What if you wanted freshman year to suck? What if you wanted your first year to be an epic fail?

We thought hard and came up with six things to do that will make a chore out of University life.

    Be single, don’t mingle.

    We’re not talking about your love life here, before you get ideas. If you’re a fresher, you could be shy. You could be homesick, first time away from home. Or, you could simply be overwhelmed by all the unfamiliarity. The first few days will be way out of your comfort zone. So what better solution than to retreat into the familiarity of your security blanket like Linus here!

    Because whenever was University, or education for that matter, about broadening your horizons?

  2. Be Too Sleek for Fresher’s Week.

    Fresher’s week is chaotic. Senior students, departmental staff, and faculty will be about, hosting teas and dinners, getting to know each other, offering advice. There will be freebies – from pizzas to coupons to earphones; sales of homemade goodies, and second hand books.

    This is way too much fun. And probably too useful as well. Give it a miss. Friendships, freebies, cheap stuff – who needs those?

    Give a Toss about Documents.

    You might’ve joined 10 societies, from Hummus Appreciation, to Harry Potter and Gin; made 16 new friends, and done things you just can’t remember.  In all this excitement, it’s easy to forget all the boring stuff that parents worry about.

    So, don’t open a bank account in your first week. You can stuff the cash in your pillow or desks. Don’t register at the local doctor’s. You’re invincible, right? Don’t sign in with your department (or matriculate) in time.

    It will fill the rest of the year with speed breakers and potholes. Just the way you like it.

  4. Live up to that Pink Floyd song. (You know which one)

    If you’re not failing at having fun, and are failing at not overdoing it, chances are – studies have taken a backseat. And, we’re just guessing but, that’s probably the reason why you came to University in the first place.

    So, if you’ve ignored your reading list, one day (a month before finals) you might run out in your PJs and buy everything on that list. That’s a great way to stab your budget in the heart. Ignore the used books which are available, online and offline. They’re cheap(er).

    Maybe you’ll go down a different route and go to the library instead. And panic will force you to borrow all the books off the shelf. The fact that you can’t finish reading them before their due dates will dawn on you after you have earnt huge fines. Congratulations! The library fine is one of the most useless expenses a student can incur. Hopefully, it will have paid for your grade.
    Never cook.

    Except for 18p noodles, pasta, and toast. Buy from takeaways. Eat out. Skip meals. That is bound to make for a great digestive system, and great health in general. You’ll feel great! As will your bank balance. Not to mention your mum. As for cheap meal ideas, they’re just a good browse.

  6. Just SMS, don’t SOS.

    While you’re managing initial adulthood – academics, relationships, maybe part-time jobs, groceries and bills; it’s easy to think you should be tough. Adults rarely cry when they’re not on reality TV. So when you are stressing, bottle it up, or bottoms up. That’s the spirit.

    Because human beings are not social animals, who created communities for help and support. As for the student helplines, staff’s Open Doors, as well as friendly shoulders, ignore them. They will not help you a make a mess of yourself.

Follow these tips and University life will be miserable. But, if, like most people, you wish to make this year amazing and memorable, do the opposite. You’ll be surprised at how good life will be!


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